Why do I feel this way? Understanding the Window of Tolerance.
- kenia1236
- Jan 13
- 2 min read
Have you ever felt like you are either completely overwhelmed by anxiety or totally checked out and numb, with little middle ground?
For first-generation women and mothers who grew up with relational trauma, this isn't a personal failing it's a biological survival strategy. When we grow up without a consistent emotional anchor, our nervous system doesn't learn how to stay in the optimal zone. Instead, we get stuck in Hyperarousal or Hypoarousal.
What is the Window of Tolerance?
The "Window of Tolerance" is a term coined by Dr. Dan Siegel. It describes the zone where we can effectively manage our emotions. When we are within our window, we can handle the stresses of motherhood, work, and family without spiraling.
However, relational trauma often shrinks this window, making it very easy to bounce out of it. In our work together, we identify the road your nervous system tends to take when overwhelmed.
The High Road: Hyperarousal (Too Much)
When you are pushed above your window, your "Fight or Flight" system is stuck in the "ON" position.
How it feels: Racing heart, panic attacks, mom rage,
Waiting for the other shoe to drop, and a constant sense of danger.
The first gen experience: it may look like perfectionism, the need to control to prevent family conflict.
The low road: Hypoarousal (too little)
When you are pushed below your window, your system goes into SHUTDOWN mode.
How it feels: numbness, depression, brain god, feeling disconnected from your kids, partner, and a heavy sense of exhaustion.
The first gen experience: often looks like compliance, freezing, or fawning quietly disappearing into the background to avoid being a burden.
How therapy widens the window:
The goal of our sessions isn't to fix your emotions, it's to widen your window. When you work with me, I help you learn to recognize the physical sensations that happen right before you leave your window. By working with me, you get to lean on my grounded presence. This is called, co-regulation.
Through our professional relationship, I help you recognize the subtle glimmers that happen before you leave your window. We practice coming back to center in a safe judgment free space.
Over time, the things that used to trigger a panic attack or a shutdown, become manageable. You gain the ability to stay present for your life, your children, and most importantly, yourself.
You don't have to do this alone.
You've spent enough of your life being the strong one. When you work with me, you finally get to be the one who is being supported. Let's work together to expand your window and reclaim your peace.
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